Monday, June 14, 2010

Ups and downs and stumbling around.

My love and I have been through some rough times in both our individual lives and in our joined life lately...growing pains, I guess.  Every time we have a discussion or disagreement I'm just overwhelmed with relief that he's still here and overwhelmed with the most passionate love I've ever felt.  It's amazing really. 

About a week ago though, something happened to crack the gloss on our shiny life.  I mean, I obviously realize that Boy is different.  I know that when we go anywhere we are stared at, and I know he gets very strange emails from strangers all the time.  He's had asshole magicians ask him to come be in their acts when they pretend to cut someone in two so they can actually have a guy without legs to aid them.  He's had a German stalker make a gay fetish devotee site in his "honor."  I know this.  But last week I actually had one of these people approach ME.  He was an independent producer attempting to make a horror movie, and he wanted me to convince the love of my life to allow him to exploit Boy's differences.  He thought the most beautiful and amazing soul in this world was either hideous enough to be a monster or a victim of atrocities.  I cried on Boy that night, and I cried later on my long drive home from Boy's house.  I knew people judged him, but it had never come to me before, and it really hurt.  I want to enclose him in my arms and keep him from all harm and all ridicule.  He said, "baby I had to learn to deal with this when I was 7.  You're going to have to ignore this sort of thing."  It absolutely breaks my heart.  I'll never understand why people are this way.

People are so disgusting en masse.  I can understand ignorance but I cannot understand inconsiderateness and ugliness of the soul...I cannot understand meanness and prejudice.  People like to hurt others and to make them feel bad.  Gender, sexuality, disability, religion...people will pick the most arbitrary reasons!  I mean for me the more I learn about a people the more I want to learn and the more I respect them.  I have such a love for many types of people that are ridiculed by the public.  I will never understand society's hatred of people who are gender-different or differently-abled or have a different sexual preference.  I will never understand how someone's abilities or worth can be judged based on skin tone or religious affiliation.  Why is it freakish of me to love and respect different people? 

I finally managed with the love of Boy by my side to venture into the LGBT section of the local bookstore this weekend.  I must admit that I've been afraid to go in it alone but he encourages my interests no matter what others might say about me.  I've been studying gender roles and gender-related issues the past year or so, and I find it truly fascinating.  They vary from culture to culture on what is taboo or acceptable...but much of it is pancultural--just human.  I am coming to think that I might would like to go back to college either to study cultures or to become a Social Studies teacher, though honestly here in the South I'd probably be run out of town by an angry mob if I attempted to teach respect to people's children.  We'll see. 

Boy believes in me and supports me in every possible way and every possible venture.  I cannot wait to be his wife and the mother of his children, us-born or adopted or however we may attain them.

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